Friday, April 4, 2008

Scotty Scams a Scammer

We’ve all gotten those emails “Nigerian King wants your Help” were an unlucky soul in South Africa is desperate and needs the help of a honest America, who he’s never met, to cash a check worth millions of dollars for him and send him the money back. In case no one has told you, there is no African prince who needs your help, only a scammer looking to make a quick buck. I was in JC King’s office one day when he was checking his email and he jokingly said that one day someone should respond to one of these scam emails, so I told him to forward it to my email account and I would have some fun. I made a fake email account by the name of Johnny Cash and here is what happened.

+++The Original Email+++

Ø With all my heart
> Dearest one,
> My name is Mrs Sonia Jones, Address:Avenue 5 lot 175 Williams quaters
> Abidjan, Coted'Ivoire West Africa.
> I was 25years old by December 17. I weigh 58kg.
>
> I am a widow, I lost my husband recently, and I have an inheritance from my
> late husband.
> I want to tell you that I really want to been relationship with
> you.Though we have not met before now but it take one thing for two to be
> together in unity and peaceful life, which I will like to confide in you and
> also visit you as soon as possible.
>
> But in a case where we can not keep an emotional feelings i will humblely
> plead for your assistance so that i can be able to get out of this emotional
> trauma in which i am presently.
>
> I am teacher by profession and my husband is an Exporter and Importer in my
> country my late husband deposited the sum $15.5 million us dollar in Bank.
> Before his death he told me that I should looking for a trustworlthy
> person that will help me to transfer the money to his country for
> investment,I will like you to help me to transfer this money into your
> account for investment.then I will prepare to come over to your country so
> that we can live as families there or best of freinds with my only surviving
> younger brother.
>
> And i promise you that i will never give you the cause to regret knowing me.
> My type of ideal man must be the honest type, caring,
> loving and forgiving as a devoted Christian. I do hate deceit and cheating
> in all its ramifications.I do not like a man that goes after everything in
> skirt.but in relationship outside the emotional one,all this does not matter
> I detest alcoholism For my hobbies: I love listening to good music, reading
> of magazines,good novels, watching adventure films, swimming, table tennis
> and indoor games. I love going to holidays.
>
> Age: Our difference in age means nothing to me as long as you love and
> remain faithful to me. This is my Word Language: I can speak and write
> the English, French and my native tongues fluently. Education: I am a
> graduate of Economics in the University of Dakar. I was born and bred a
> Methodist.
> I was baptized so many years ago and I am a confirmed member. I take my holy
> communion also.
> I am a full fledged member of the church founded by Wesley
> brothers the great singers.I will like to know more about you. I need
> to know more about your love life.
>
> Your hobbies?Feel free to ask any question that agitates your mind because I
> want us to build a solid relationship if you do not mind..
> With all my heart,
> Remain blessed.
> Sonia
>
> please contact me through this email address;soniajones02@yahoo.fr
>

+++My Response+++

TO: SONIA JONES
FROM: JOHNNY CASHMORE


Hello Sonia my name is Johnny, and I am also looking for companionship as I recently had an unfortunate workforce accident. With the accident I had to stay home for months on end, I have healed almost completely but I feel sometimes I am going nuts by just staying home all the time. Although the accident may have caused bodily damage but I managed to give a very large lump sum in a settlement, which allows me to spend my time the way I want to. Although I would desire a romantic relationship I am also willing to take you up on your proposition. It sounds beneficial to the two of us.

To get you to know me a little I am a Scientology convert. I enjoy playing World of Warcraft up to 10-14 hours per day, I am a level 38 elf whose pretty much a big deal. I too am not a fan of alcohol that is why I only drink straight vodka out of the bottle.

I hope to her from you soon

-Johnny C


+++++
TO: JOHNNY CASHMORE
FROM: SONIA JONES
Dear Johnny,
How are you doing today,
I hope that all is well.I am very glad to hear from you.And i am very sorry for your predicaments
Well, Let us thank God for the life that he spare you after the accident.And i pray that God will always give you the strenght to recover fast from your illhealth.
But Johnny, i will like you to promise me that you are not going to worsen my situation by breaking my heart.This is because the only thing that i need now is someone by my side to console me.and i think that God wants to use us one to console the other.

I am so much delighted and happy to recieved your message and decision, I do not know how exactly to explain in details and say thank you, but with much of the truamas I had undergone in this, I will say that it is enough to say it, i am sorry i was not feeling ok,and i was hospitalised for some days now due to cardiac problem.

Before my husband died, he made several transfer of funds abroad but his elder brother who for sure poisoned my husband was behind every bit of my late husband's properties and sold the only building we have in Lyons, France, to make things worst for me, he decided to make me succumb to his orders as a family head so that I can submit the documents concern to this fund but i refused.

His act made him to planned assassinating me, as i am writing, I was admitted to the hospital for the past 2 days now due to the attack when I left my country, now I am in Abidjan, Ivory Coast where the fund is, I want your help as a family friend to secure the money and handle the transfer safely.

I was confused after being admitted for treatment here in the hospital,I tried to bear it but could not, I am sorry to repose my burden to you, i am confused, I need your help, i seek your honest motives to help me, I will want you to bear it as a cross to save me from the family wickedness they had reposed on me, now let me as you these few questions;

These are what I want to know before sending you all the bank details and documents;
Will you help me honestly? I am presently in the hospital, will you handle the transfer perfectly? i am short of finances I could have come immediately to your country, Will you stand on my behalf till I comes to your country?, to meet with you, I would want us to both negotiate on the projects you may suggest, if possible, let us finish with the transfer but the money with me has been stocked in medical attentions for some days now, I shall come to your country next week as soon as the transfer is completed.

I want you to conclude the transfer, as soon as possible, I will wait for your answer so that i can send you the Power of Attorney/letter of Authority to the bank, it will empower you to act on my behalf as my husband's business partner and send all documents concern to the money so that you can act on my behalf and contact the bank and negotiate on how to transfer the money, I will wait for your details;
Yours heartily
Sonia

NB

And please I will wish to buy a house in your state or can you relocate to any part in the US with me and your family? for us to inverst there? or what do you suggest? I will wait so that we can both negotiate before my coming to your country as i had earlier programmed some investment and to get a better hospital, I do not want any governmental issues again, this was how my husband's 1.7 Million dollars was siezed due to his problem with the Minning Corporation. so i will want if you assure me.

+++++
TO: SONIA JONES
FROM: JOHNNY CASHMORE
Yes thank Xenu that we are both still alive. I promise I am not going to break your heart, who knows we might even fall for each other, I’ve always had a thing for exotic women. :) It’s so horrible that your brother-in-law did that to you. I am fortunate to have loving brothers, they are considerably younger than I am and actually have a rock band and are getting some major publicity, my large settlement with my accident also helped them because I could buy guitars and drum risers. They go by the Jonas Brothers. I have lots of free time on my hand as my brothers are on tour so I am more than willing to help you in anything you need. I consider myself an honest man; before my accident I was a researcher for a major pharmaceutical company working on Project Z which was very top secret, so believe me when I say I am more than trustworthy.

In regards to your housing there are some wonderful houses in Kansas that just a small portion of your money could buy. I will contact my realtor at Kraddick Realty to get the ball rolling. What would you like? A one story? Two? Ranch style? Gothic Midwestern? We can hammer out the details later as it seems your health and protecting your money are far more important.

-Johnny

PS I might be having surgery in about a week and a half so we need to make sure all things are in order by than, the quicker the better I always say!

+++++
TO: JOHNNY CASHMORE
FROM: SONIA JONES
Good evening to you Johnny,
Infact you are so wonderful,having shown concernover my illhealth makes me believe that you are caring and that is the typeof man that i really need in this my days of stress.I promise that i will always love you so long as you willing to recprocate the love to me.
I am highly touched hearing that you are going to undergo a sugery, well i pray that almighty God will take control.

In regards to the housing matter, i think that whatever choice that you will make will be ok by me.

And i will like if you can reach the bank management first thing monday morning ordering them to transfer the said to the account that you are going to nominate. so that we can see if the transfer will be done before the end of next week so as to enable me to be by your side during your surgery and also seize the oppurtunity to take a better treatment there in your country.

I hope that you received the photo that i sent to you? I expected that you will send me yours but i found non in the attachement. please try to send me some in your next mail ok!!! i will send you another one in my next mail. I would have sent you one now but i do not have any in the attachement.
Here below is the contact of the bank:

Contact person:
Dr. kouassi Nguessan
Director of International remittance Department
Bank Of Africa
Siège social:
Angle Av. Terrasson de Fougères et Rue Gourgas
Tel(Dir) : +XXX
Tel : +225XXXXX
Fax : + XXXXXX
Email : XXXXXx@yahoo.com,
Although, he told me that the bank's website is still undergoing reconstruction process you can reach him with both email addresses.
Just tell him that you a business partner of my late husband Mr JONES and that you want the fund in his account to be transfered to your accont for business purpose. though i have sent him a fax to highlight him on the excercise.

Please try to get back to me immediate you hear from them so that I will know how you are going with it.

May the Lord strengthen you in every of your endeavours in Jesus name. Amen
Yours heartily
Sonia

N.B
One other thing is that i will not fail to let you know that this fund is the only this that is left of me in life and it is my only hope please if anything happens to it, it will mean the end of my life. So i will advise that there is the need for confidentiality and open mindedness in this transaction
So try and update me as soon as you reach the bank


+++++++++
TO: SONIA JONES
FROM: JOHNNY CASHMORE
Praise Xenu you're alive!!! I was very worried about you. Yes, I got your picture and I have to say you are one foxy momma! :) :) :) I contacted my friend Kellie at Kraddick Realty and she found ninety houses that are up for sale around the area, six are pretty close to me but I've really narrowed down the search to about three, I'll ask Kellie to send me pictures on Monday so you can look at them. I don't know if you have heard in Africa but around Northeast Kansas we've been having major problems with King Lice that causes sheep to lose all their fleece so if you do look at housing you'll have to pick the house according to the color of curtains you want because Xenu knows you won't find any replacements for quite some time.

I'm so glad that you've been contacting me, for the longest time I have been very depressed after my work related acid accident that severed my vocal cords and caused me to lose the majority of my teeth enamel. I didn't think anyone would ever love me again, but you seem like a loving, caring person and I would like it very much if you maybe shack up with me when you come to America, that way I could show you around and to my world. Have you ever been to America?

I think Xenu sent you towards my path because just the other day I was debating going into town and jumping off the tallest building....but after receiving your emails I don't want to make that 4 story plunge into the abyss I want to live and see what this wonderful world has to offer.

I will contact the bank on Monday morning but please stay in contact because I think I am falling for you my sweet grapefruit and I don't think I could make it through the darkness without viewing the sweet nouns and adjectives you produce with your emails.

With love
Johnny

PS There's this nurse that been helping me for a couple months.... and she's pretty open minded... when you get here what are the odds?


PPS: Here is a picture that my bra Drew took of me before my accident...I very sorry I don't have any recent ones. Its just I want to be remembered the way I was, not the way Project Z made me; I hope you understand.


A picture of Adam Levine, the lead singer of Maroon 5, that I found on the internet
+++++++++++++++++++++++
TO: JOHNNY CASHMORE
FROM; SONIA JONES
Dear Johnny,
you impressed me with your mail and i really feel pity about your present predicament.
If i may be permited to call you darling, i think that God has a reason for everything that he does in the life of every human.
In fact, your expressions touched me so much that i feel like being around you to cheer you up.
I will like you to promise me that you will not repeat that your idea of comitting suicide. because it will solve no problem.
All that you need do is to look up to God as i promise to be with you whenever i am needed by you.
Please endeavour to cntact the bank on monday as you promised so that my coming down there next week will be a reality.
Well i have not been to the U.S before, the only time that i was supposed to have come to America with my late husband,
i fell sick and could not make the trip.
But i have been to places like marseille, mardrid and some other few cities in Europe.
But if i may ask, what is the relationship between you andthe nurse?if is platonic, it will not bother me.
Here below will i send you another copy of my photo.
Have a nice week endd arling and take good care of yourself till i get there.

++++++++++++++++
TO: SONIA JONES
FROM: JOHNNY CASHMORE
Praise Almighty Xenu your still okay! Yes you may call me darling, but my mother always called my father her Juice Box of Love and I was wondering if you wouldn't mind calling me that? I always looked up to the relationship my parent's had, until they gave up my 2 younger sisters to Disney to perform the rest of there lives as Skiing Goofy at EuroDisney. Isn't the country of Africa close to France? You might have seen them!

At least my brothers have had good luck in show business, I think I told you about my brothers the Jonas Brothers, I'm very excited as they are getting major airplay on the radio. You can check out one of their songs here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8JUvbJekM88 I would really like to know what you think of their first major single!

Don't worry about Nurse Kelsey, I just asked because I heard that foreign women were up for new things so I was just wondering what my chances of doing the "triple-flapjack-pancake dance" were. Just keep in mind Nurse Kelsey has taken care of me for the past 3 years so if you are the jealous type you'll have to learn how to give various types of sponge baths, throat scrapings, and ear wax removal. Oh Xenu, everyday when I wake up I wish I could go back in time and tell myself self not to fall for Dr. Friday Supramux lies and not to work on Project Z. I guess the silver lining is the fact I manage to come into contact with you my sweet sultry flashlight.

I looked at your pictures and you are very gorgeous!!! Can you maybe send me a picture of you kissing or hugging the photo that sent you? I'm feeling very blue today and I think it would help me get through the next couple of days.

Please reply as soon as you can I don't think I wait until your next email my sweet flashlight
Johnny

PS. When Nurse Kelsey was at the drug store buying me some face fungus removal cream she ran into Kellie from Kraddick Realty, small world. She said she'd email some pics as soon as she can.


+++++++++++++++


I decided to email the “lawyer” Dr. Nguessan

+++++++++++++++++
TO: DR NGUESSAN
FROM: JOHNNY CASHMORE
SUBJECT: MR JONES AND ME

Hello Dr. Nagasaki
My name is John Cashmore, but my friends call me Johnny Cash. Although these are legal proceeding I think it best if you refer to me as Pickachu because I had my name legally changed to Pickachu in the late 1990s, although sometimes I do regret my decision it is a major conversation starter at parties.

For a while now my good friend Sonia Jonas and I have had a relationship on the internet and we have decided to take it to the next step. As you were a business partner with her husband I assume you probably have seen how smoking hot she is so I am willing to do whatever it takes to land this woman. She has decided to move to Kansas to raise fleeceless sheep with me and I need the money you acquired from her husband put into my bank account. I am not very good with money seeing as I was in an accident at work that I am not a liberty to discuss. My nurse Kelsey mainly handles my accounts as I gave her Power of Attorney about 3 years ago. I just need to get information from you to get the cheese ball rolling on this transaction.

Johnny

PS Before we handle any business I need to know the relationship between you and my Sonia. If you did the Triple-Pancake-Flapjack dance with her and her husband I need to know now so we can move on

++++++

TO: JOHNNY CASHMORE
FROM: DR NGUESSAN

Attention:John Cashmore,

You are expected to contact the attorney at the address that i sent to you because he is in better possition to enlighten you on that and to Sonia and her late husband, they are mere client to our bank and our relationship is professional and it ends there.
You are supposed to hasten up the issue so as to correspond with the pressure that Mrs Jones is mounting on us.
Best regard
Dr Nguessan

+++++

He wanted bank info and I’m all for dedication to a joke but no thanks. I never emailed him back. Now back to my dear Sonia and the fleeceless sheep.

+++++

TO: SONIA JONES
FROM: JOHNNY CASHMORE

My Juicebox of love Sonia,

I haven't heard back from you in a couple days I hope all is well and you haven't relapsed with your heart condition. I have sent an email to your banker requesting details on the transaction that will hopefully bring you to America as soon as humanly possible. If you are in contact with him please tell him to hurry as I still have that surgery due at the end of the week. I could maybe postpone it, but my doctors are all saying it is best if I have my surgery as soon as possible to clear up my very rare case of hitmuizichania. Having acquired hitmuizichania it is so frustrating because there is no real information about it, Dr Chris even said they might rename the disease after me...

Speaking of Dr. Chris I asked him if he could check you out (the good checking out not the bad punch in the face for looking at my woman checking out) when you arrive in America and he said he could. Can you maybe send your medical history report over so I can have Dr. Chris look at it? I only wish you the best in your troubled times and hope to see you soon.

Johnny

Oh I didn't mean to lie to you but I told Dr. Nagasaki my real name - Pikachu. Its horribly embarrassing but I was really into the kids game back in the day and had my name legally changed and was to embarrassed to change it back. But don't worry my cheesewheel of love because 3 weeks ago I stopped playing the video games, card games, and watching the Saturday morning cartoon show.


++++++++++

TO: JOHNNY CASHMORE
FROM: SONIA JONES

My sweet heart,
How are you doing today,I hope that you are getting better.
Just take Good care of yourself honey.
Yours in love
Sonia

++++++
TO: SONIA JONES
FROM: JOHNNY CAHMORE
I was very worried about you my poptart of the heart..

Should we be thinking about ways of getting you to the states? After Nurse Kelsey uncuffs herself and gets the peanut butter out of her hair, I'll send her to the local travel agent and see what type of deals he can provide.


Oh and I sent Kelsey to stop by Kraddick Realty and get some pictures of some houses we might want to buy I’ll attach them for you, its kind of blurry because it was taken on a cell . I'm so excited for when you move here!!!

I hope your not mad about the name thing, I really didn't mean to lie to you....

Johnny Cashmore aka Pikachu
++++


Its photoshopped Carmen Electra next to some dump I found on the internet (Sorry if that’s your house)
++++
After a few days of not hearing back I figured they were Carmen Electra fans and caught on but…..
+++++
TO: JOHNNY CASHMORE
FROM: SONIA JONES

My sweet heart,
How are you today, i hope that you are getting better. How is the surgery, i hope that it is not giving you any complication.
I really feel like i can just close my eyes and open it again and be by your side.
I love you and always want to be by your side honey.
I wish you a rapid recovery.
Bunch of kisssssssssssssssssssssssssss.
Yours forever
SONIA

+++++

I decided that this was quickly becoming boring…and on the scammer’s part a bit creepy so I decided to add a new element. A jealous Nurse Kelsey

+++++

TO: SONIA JONES
FROM: KELSEY HITS
SUBJECT: JOHNNY CASHMORE IS MINE!!!!

Sup girlfriend,

This is Kelsey the nurse for Pikachu aka Johnny Cashmore. I was wondering what plans you had in store for Pikachu? Because I am madly in love with my sweet, sweet Pikachu and can not have any woman tear her grubbly little hands between us. I need to know NOW what you plan to do when you get to America? Is what Johnny says true? Are you going to raise fleeceless sheep and buy mansions!?!? Are you going to have baby Pikachus!?!? You know as well as I do with Hitmusichania your putting his life as well as your own at risk by even thinking the idea of baby Pikachus!

And I saw your pictures on Pikachu's desktop and don't think I'm not going to let you get away with stealing him away from me! Attached in this email is what I plan on wearing next time I see my dear Pikachu! I really doubt anything in the entire country of Africa can bring sexy back the way I can!!!!

~Kelsey~




++++++++
Again a picture of Carmen Electra. “Sonia” then emails Johnny…..

++++++++

TO: JOHNNY CASHMORE
FROM: SONIA JONES

Good day to you Johnny,
How are you doing today and how you health progressing.I hope that all is well.
If that be the case, i think that i have the cause to say thanks to almighty God.

But Johnny, Though i had not wanted to send you this mail in other not to hurt you because of your illhealth but i have no opton than to do so in other to avoid any future misfortunes.

I will like you to explain to me what this is all about.

Sup girlfriend

This is Kelsey the nurse for Pikachu aka Johnny Cashmore. I was wondering What plans you had in store for Pikachu? Because I am madly in love with my sweet sweet Pikachu and can not have any woman tear her grubbly little hands between us. I need to know NOW what you plan to do when you get to America? Is what Johnny says true? Are you going to raise fleeceless sheep and buy mansions!?!? Are you going to have baby Pikachus!?!? You know as well as I do with Hitmusichania your putting his life as well as your own at risk by even thinking the idea of baby Pikachus!

And I saw your pictures on Pikachu's desktop and don't think I'm not going to let you get away with stealing him away from me! Attached in this email is what I plan on wearing next time I see my dear Pikachu! I really doubt anything in the entire country of Africa can bring sexy back the way I can!!!!

~Kelsey~

+++++++++

TO: SONIA JONES
FROM: JOHNNY CASHMORE

Where did you get that picture? I can't believe Nurse Kelsey would do something like that! I am liking the Victoria not-so-Secret though....Xenu!

-Johnny Cash

++++++++++

TO: JOHNNY CASHMORE
FROM: SONIA JONES

Good day to you Johnny,
How are you feeling today, and how is your health, i hope that all is going progressively.
If yes, i thank God for that.

But Johnny, this does not answer my question, i need an explanation or do i not deserve one?

SONIA

+++++

TO: SONIA JONES
FROM: JOHNNY CASHMORE


Sonia.

I will send an email to Dr. Nagasaki asking what I have to do to get a personalized check.


In regards to Kelsey, last night I was raiding Djjj Heights on World of Warcraft and Kelsey came in yelling at me about sheep and Sonia this and Sonia that and Fleece this. l wasn't quite sure what to think, except Nurse Kelsey looked very cold in the Victoria Not-So-Secret.

I still want you to come so you can be my sugar momma. I JUST NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT NURSE KELSEY

More importantly how are you? I'm not sure if its the medicine I'm taking for my recovery but I am very paranoid that your brother is after you. Is there anyway you could "persuade" Dr Nagasaki to just send me a check? As soon as I get the check I promise I will send you all money to you in Africa
-Johnny
P.S. By persuade I mean bribe him or do the double-flap-jack-dance with him just to make sure we're on the same page.

P.P.S. Are you mad at me?
+++++

My email to the “Banker” below

+++++

TO: DR NGUESSAN
FROM: JOHNNY CASHMORE

Dr Nagasaki,

For for various reasons I am wondering what the likelihood of sending a personalized check to me for the full amount or several checks that would equal the entire amount of Sonia's account. Just tell me and I will email the details for the check to be received at my home.

I would also like some personal advice.

You see I have this friend who has Nurse that has been taking care of him since he started the Ross Z isotope injection therapy, as you are a Doctor I assume you have heard about his work with Project Z and Dr. Supramix. Well he just realized that his foxy, foxy nurse has the hots for him. But he has already promised that he would take care of a foxy exotic woman whose on the rebound. The benefit of the foxy, foxy nurse is the he already knows she's not completely horrified by his Frankenstein like appearance and doesn't try and gather towns people with stakes and torches. On the other had the rebound fox is foxy as well and also a rebound fox who has lots of fox money is the fox hole. (If you catch my drift)

Regardless if you want my house address to send the check I will give it to you.

Johnny Cashmore (legally referred to as Pikachu)


++++++++++

The “banker” doesn’t play along

++++++++++

Attention: Johnny:
I think that i will suggest that you should go through the agreement of deposit that was reached between the bank and the depositor again so that you can understan better what the terms of the agreement stated.

Best regard

Dr K. Nguessan

+++++++++++

Sonia then gets a hold of me and I think dumps me.

++++++++++

Hi Johnny,
Infact i am so confused about all the issue.with the menace of your firstly nurse and later wife i do not know what to do .Give me some days to speculate over it.
Extend my apology to your wife
Sonia.

+++++++++

Sonia,

Oh Sonia let me assure you she is not my wife!

Our elves are married in World of Warcraft but thats as far as it goes!!!

-Pikachu

+++++++++
Just as I was going to call my game with a scammer quits Sonia emails Nurse Kelsey
+++++++
Dear Kelsey,
I ma very sorry for the inconvinience that i had caused you and Johnny,And again i will seize this media to tender my sincere apology to you for my intrussion into your life and that of Johnny.
I never meant to hurt neither you nor Johnny instead i had wanted to estalish a relationship with him been ignorant of his marital statu.
Though he lied to me and i guess that was what complicated the whole matter.
I had decided to call it a quit with him but i will give it a second thought and see what i can do about it because of you last mail.
You should try to understand me that i showed your mail to Johnny simply because i was furious having found out that he lied to me.
But all the same, i will like us to bury the hatchet and see if we can build up a relationship among us three.
As to your relationship with Johnny, i will not want anything wrong to happen with it instead i will henceforth do anything at my disposal to save it for you this i promise.
My relationship with Johnny will henceforth remain platonic and business like.
So please do look for a place in your heart to forgive me for the inconvinence that i caused you so let us be best of freinds if you do not mind.
I will be glad to hear from you soonest.
Sonia

++++++++
So it appears I have confused the heck out of the scammer and he thinks that Johnny and Kelsey are married. Instead of setting the record straight I decided to roll with it and see how much of a soap opera I could make.
++++++++
Sonia
Well I'm glad you have realized you are a homewrecker. Although to be fair to you I AM cheating on Pikachu with another man. But what Pikachu doesn't know won't hurt Pikachu. Lets just get whatever transaction you have with my Pikachu over with.
~Kelsey~
+++++++++++
With that going on, I decided to email the “banker” again to try and get that personalized check written out to Pikachu to frame
+++++++++
Dr. Nagasaki,
I'm not quite sure I understand why your bank can not send a personalized check to my address. If you are worried about the cost of the packaging I am sure Sonia will reimburse you and your branch the cost of shipping. If you are uncomfortable with the entire amount in one check would it be possible to send seventeen (17) checks for 1 million dollars or maybe one check a smaller amount like 50,000 dollars that way I can send Sonia the money and she can leave Africa and get the rest of the estate herself when she is safe.
I'm even willing to take an extra step to ensure this business deal happens. I'm worried about Sonia sick in Africa. I realize that you will need a paper trail with the large amount of money but I'm sure a banker in such a high position of yours could create a fake paper trail and just send me a personalized check.

You see my nurse is what you would call hot. Attached is a "personal" picture of her that she made me the other day. If you were to send this check within the next two days and prove you mailed it I would be willing to send more "personal" pictures of my Nurse.

-Johnny Cashmore/Pikachu.
++++++
I just sent the previous picture of Carmen Electra in stripper wear; no one can refuse more pictures of Carmen Electra can they??
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Attn: Johnny Cash

I will like to call your attention to the business at hand and not personnal affaires.
As i earlier told you in my previous mail, you should go through the agreement reached by both parties and deposition of this fund.

It categorically stated that it is against the rules of the agreement.
You are advised to go through the agreement that is with you or you are supposed to demand for it from your partner. if you are not in possesion of this agreement, you are expected to read this part that i have copied in this mail.
Here below in red is a part of the agreement





By this agreement, This bank is forbidden to withdraw or transfer any amount from the total sum without presenting the complete documents of the funds, the consignee/beneficiary has the authority or the full right over the deposited funds, this funds has been agreed to be transferred as deposited without any withdrawal until it is transferred into the beneficiary’s foreign account.

This total fund must be produced by the bank to the consignée/beneficiary as long as all documentary obligations has be presented and clearified.

The transfer/change of ownership or beneficiary is allowed within the period the fund remains with the bank. Application for the change of beneficiary/ownership or the inssurance of a new beneficiary certificate must be submitted or reach the administrative block before (2) working days prior to the date of transfer of the funds.

The depositor or partner/ beign the beneficiary must present the vital deposit documents in the time of transfer.

I am really willing to assist you but my hand are tied.
You should get in touch with your partner and sort things out together.
Best regard

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Yes they can reject the idea of more pictures of Carmen Electra, this guy REALLY wants to steal my bank information.
Back to Sonia I decided to have Johnny come clean with the marriage
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Sonia,
I'm sorry I lied to you Sonia but Kelsey and I are man and wife.

It was a crazy day in Las Vegas four years ago. Kelsey had just won $963 on Blackjack and I was down a year's salary so I figured the best thing to do was marry her so we could have joint bank accounts. We had a lovely Scientology wedding. Kelsey was such a beautiful bride in the traditional Scientology marriage spacesuit.

+++++++++++

Sonia emails “Kelsey” and apologizes to her

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Dear Kelsey,
I ma very sorry for the inconvinience that i had caused you and Johnny,And again i will seize this media to tender my sincere apology to you for my intrussion into your life and that of Johnny.
I never meant to hurt neither you nor Johnny instead i had wanted to estalish a relationship with him been ignorant of his marital statu.
Though he lied to me and i guess that was what complicated the whole matter.
I had decided to call it a quit with him but i will give it a second thought and see what i can do about it because of you last mail.
You should try to understand me that i showed your mail to Johnny simply because i was furious having found out that he lied to me.
But all the same, i will like us to bury the hatchet and see if we can build up a relationship among us three.
As to your relationship with Johnny, i will not want anything wrong to happen with it instead i will henceforth do anything at my disposal to save it for you this i promise.
My relationship with Johnny will henceforth remain platonic and business like.
So please do look for a place in your heart to forgive me for the inconvinence that i caused you so let us be best of freinds if you do not mind.
I will be glad to hear from you soonest.
Sonia

++++

Well I'm glad you have realized you are a homewrecker. Although to be fair to you I AM cheating on Pikachu with another man. But what Pikachu doesn't know won't hurt Pikachu. Lets just get whatever transaction you have with my Pikachu over with. ~Kelsey~

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Sonia emails Johnny Cash again


How is your wife, I wrote her a mail and appologised for the inconvinience that i made her pass through. and i think that she understood.
i look up to your mail.
Sonia

+ + +

Sorry my dear Sonia for my delayed response, but I haven't been feeling well at all. Kelsey isn't much help because she is out of town with her personal trainer Dave for a couple of days. Which will be good for what we are about to do. I am sleeping alot because of my sickness so I don't know when I will be online. Can we shoot for Wednesday? What does you schedule look like.
-Pikachu

+ + +


Dear Johnny,
How are you doing, i hope that all is well
How is your health.i beleive that you are recovering rapidly.
Well,Johnny, i really want to know how you are progressing in this transaction.
I am beging to feel that it is getting over delayed.
I will like you to give me details of how far you have gone with the bank.I want you to make sure that this transaction is done before mid next week so that i can effect my travel to the U S over the weekend.
My regards to your wife
Sonia


+ + +
So after that I knew they were catching on…it took them long enough

I decided to have Kelsey send Sonia some bad news

+++++

With a heavy heart I regret to inform you that Pikachu passed away last night. The face fungus finally ate through his skull and ravaged his brain like Xenu ravages thetains in a large volcano.

We are planning the funeral on Monday and will have the typical Scientologist burial, which involves a space ships, his ashes, and the entire collection of Tom Cruise movies.

I know that Pikachu ment a lot to you maybe more than me because I was having an affair with the lawn boy, my personal trainer, the mail man, the milkman, his dad, and Frank Stallone. So I would like to ask your help in cashing his life insurance settlement. With the death tax the US government takes out a huge chuck of my sweet, sweet money that I could use for a tropic cruise. I found a loophole in the system however, I will send you a certified cashiers check via Western Union for $963,000, you take out 10% and send me the rest.

With love

~Kelsey Pikachu, soon to be either Kelsey Tompson, Kelsey Richards, Kelsey Stallone (Whoever will buy me the biggest rock and the fastest car with the bitchin'est stereo.

P.s. That banker Dr. Nagasaki isn't single is he?

P.P.S. Here’s a memorial of Johnny we placed in a graveyard



(A memorial for the original radio broadcast of War of the Worlds)

+++++

A little taste of their own medicine…they never emailed me back

If you want to try and scam your own scammer feel free to email dear Sonia at
soniajones02@yahoo.fr

1 comment:

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